30th September: Army Incompetence Day

For Army Incompetence Day, here are 10 army quotes and anecdotes about times armies have been less than perfect:

1. Israeli troops have this morning entered the Arab township of Hebron in search of the perpetrators of the recent suicide bomb attacks in Jerusalem, who they believe are in hiding there. CNN News
2. Bumper sticker on the stealth bomber: If you can read this, then we wasted 50 million bucks.
3. The best defence against the atom bomb is not to be there when it goes off. British Army Journal
4. An army of sheep led by a lion would defeat an army of lions led by a sheep. Arab proverb
5. Teamwork is essential - it gives the enemy something else to shoot at.
6. We are not retreating. We are advancing in another direction. General Douglas McArthur
7. Officer: How did the men do in their shooting practice? Sergeant: One of them hit the bull first time, sir. Officer: Good - how far away was it? Sergeant: The next field, sir. The farmer’s coming to see you this afternoon.
8. During his army entrance interview a candidate was startled to be greeted by the sharp command, “Get under the table at once!” Thinking that this must be some impromptu test of discipline, he obediently dived under the table - and saw a large dog creeping in from the other side.
9. When Princess Anne was visiting the British Army overseas, the conversation turned to nicknames of regiments. Noticing that one major wore the shoulder flashes of the Duke of Edinburgh’s Royal Regiment, the Princess inquired if he knew her family’s nickname for his regiment. “No, Ma’am,” He replied. “Dad’s Army,” she said.
10. Inform all the troops that communications have completely broken down.