As it's Day
of the Dead today, always look on the bright side of death.
- Even young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective. PJ O’Rourke
- If I could drop dead now, I’d be the happiest man alive. Sam Goldwyn
- Hear about the Italian chef who died? He pasta way.
- I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather - not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
- A telephone salesman died and went to heaven. He thought, “At last, I’m rid of phones!” Then an angel says to him, “You’re wanted on the Ouija board.”
- Never knock on Death’s door. Ring the doorbell and run (he hates that).
- I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed and jumped under a train. He was chuffed to bits.
- A man is sentenced to the death penalty. He responds in the dock by saying, “I want an England player to take it for me.”
- It’s not that I’m afraid to die. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.
- A man arrives at the gates of Heaven. St Peter asks him, “Did you do any good in your life?” “Yes,” says the man. “I saw a gang of thugs mugging an old lady and I defended her.” “When was this?” “About 40 seconds ago.”
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