25 December: Quentin Crisp Quotes

Born on Christmas Day 1908 was Quentin Crisp (real name Denis Charles Pratt), writer and raconteur. 10 pearls of wisdom from him:

1. If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style.
2. Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level.
3. There is no need to do any housework at all. After the first four years the dirt doesn't get any worse.
4. Treat all disasters as if they were trivialities but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster.
5. What would you be like if you were the only person in the world? If you want to be truly happy you must be that person.
6. The trouble with children is that they're not returnable.
7. I never spend my time doing anything I'll have to do again tomorrow.
8. Men get laid, but women get screwed.
9. The more people one has to love, the more one's capacity to love stretches.
10. Manners are a way of getting what you want without appearing to be an absolute swine.

A Christmas Novella

A Very Variant Christmas

Last year, Jade and Gloria were embroiled in a bitter conflict to win back their throne and their ancestral home. This year, Queen Jade and Princess Gloria want to host the biggest and best Christmas party ever in their palace. They invite all their friends to come and bring guests. Not even the birth of Jade's heir just before Christmas will stop them.

The guest list includes most of Britain's complement of super-powered crime-fighters, their families and friends. What could possibly go wrong?

Gatecrashers, unexpected arrivals, exploding Christmas crackers and a kidnapping, for starters.

Far away in space, the Constellations, a cosmic peacekeeping force, have suffered a tragic loss. They need to recruit a new member to replace their dead colleague. The two top candidates are both at Jade and Gloria's party. The arrival of the recruitment delegation on Christmas Eve is a surprise for everyone; but their visit means one guest now faces a life-changing decision.

Meanwhile, an alliance of the enemies of various guests at the party has infiltrated the palace; they hide in the dungeon, plotting how best to get rid of the crime-fighters and the royal family once and for all. Problem is, they all have their own agendas and differences of opinion on how to achieve their aims.

Not to mention that this year, the ghosts who walk the corridors of the palace on Christmas Eve will be as surprised by the living as the living are by them.

Available from Amazon and Amazon Kindle