Tuesday, 5 November 2019

6 November: Noah's Ark jokes

6 November 2948 BC - According to 17th Century Irish Bishop James Ussher, today was the birthdate of Noah. So here are 10 Noah jokes.


  1. Need an ark? I Noah guy.
  2. After it was all over, and Noah lowered the gangway from the ark for all the animals to leave, he told the animals to "go forth and multiply." All the animals left except two Snakes who lay quietly in a corner of the ark. "Why don't you go forth and multiply?" demanded Noah. "We can't," answered one snake. "we're adders."
  3. What if Noah had missed the boat?
  4. In the Bible it rained for 40 days, they called it a disaster. In England we call it summer.
  5. Where did Noah keep his bees? In the Ark hives.
  6. Noah floated a limited company when the rest of the world had been liquidated.
  7. I think the Aardvark just made up that name when he heard that Noah was taking the animals onto the ark in alphabetical order. Matt King
  8. Who was Joan of Arc? Noah's wife.
  9. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the Ark, professionals built the Titanic. Elizabeth May
  10. Into every life a little rain must fall, but I think someone’s mistaken me for Noah. Allison Raul

NEW!


Golden Thread

Terry Kennedy is inexplicably and inexorably drawn to the small town of Fiveswood as a place to live and work after university. He is sure he has never visited the town before, but when he arrives there, it seems oddly familiar.

Fiveswood has a rich and intriguing history. Local legends speak of giants, angels, wolves, a local Robin Hood, but most of all, a knight in golden armour. Fiveswood's history also has a dark side - mysterious deaths blamed on the plague, a ghostly black panther, and a landslide which buried the smugglers' caves.

Terry buys an apartment in The Heights, a house which has been empty for decades, since the previous owner disappeared. Now he has finally been declared dead, developers have moved in and turned it into six flats. Terry has the odd feeling he has lived in this enigmatic house before. But that is not all. Since childhood, Terry has had recurring, disturbing dreams which have been increasing in frequency so that now, he has them almost every night. To his dismay, the people from his nightmares are his new neighbours.

Except, that is, for Eleanor Millbrook. She is refreshingly unfamiliar. After Terry saves her from a mysterious attacker, they become close. However, Terry's nightmares encroach more and more on his waking life, until they lead him to a devastating discovery about who he really is.

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