23 December: Night Before Christmas Spoofs

In 1823, the poem, A Visit from St. Nicholas by Clement C. Moore ("'Twas the Night Before Christmas...") was published anonymously in the Troy (New York) Sentinel. It has been spoofed many times since then - here are ten examples of Night Before Christmas parodies:

1. 'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house, Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse; so I took their stereo.
2. Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at a certain improved piece of real property (hereinafter "the House"), a general lack of stirring by all creatures therein, including, but not limited to a mouse...
3. 'Twas the night before Christmas, When all through the flat, Not a creature was sober, Not even the Cat.
4. Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the states not a creature was stirring, not even Bill Gates. "Tis the night before Christmas," I thought with a frown. I was stuck at the office. The network was down.
5. 'Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the annual Yuletide celebration, and throughout the place of residence, kinetic activity was not in evidence among the possessors of this potential, including that species of domestic rodent known as Mus musculus (mouse). Hosiery was meticulously suspended from the forward edge of the wood burning caloric apparatus, pursuant to our anticipatory pleasure regarding an imminent visitation from an eccentric philanthropist among whose folkloric appellations is the honorific title of St Nicholas.
6. Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house, Every creature was hurting--even the mouse. The toys were all broken, their batteries dead; Santa passed out, with some ice on his head.
7. 'Twas the month before Christmas, and all through the store, Each department was dripping with Yuletide decor.
8. 'Twas Christmas on Facebook, when all through the house, Every parent was posting, and clicking their mouse...
9. 'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck... How to live in a world that's politically correct? His workers no longer would answer to "Elves", "Vertically challenged" they were calling themselves.
10. 'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. 'Cuz the cat had pounced on him and tore him apart - Ate his mousey intestines; And chewed up his heart.

Here's ten facts about the original poem: The Night Before Christmas

My Christmas Novella!

A Very Variant Christmas

Last year, Jade and Gloria were embroiled in a bitter conflict to win back their throne and their ancestral home. This year, Queen Jade and Princess Gloria want to host the biggest and best Christmas party ever in their palace. They invite all their friends to come and bring guests. Not even the birth of Jade's heir just before Christmas will stop them.

The guest list includes most of Britain's complement of super-powered crime-fighters, their families and friends. What could possibly go wrong?

Gatecrashers, unexpected arrivals, exploding Christmas crackers and a kidnapping, for starters.

Far away in space, the Constellations, a cosmic peacekeeping force, have suffered a tragic loss. They need to recruit a new member to replace their dead colleague. The two top candidates are both at Jade and Gloria's party. The arrival of the recruitment delegation on Christmas Eve is a surprise for everyone; but their visit means one guest now faces a life-changing decision.

Meanwhile, an alliance of the enemies of various guests at the party has infiltrated the palace; they hide in the dungeon, plotting how best to get rid of the crime-fighters and the royal family once and for all. Problem is, they all have their own agendas and differences of opinion on how to achieve their aims.

Not to mention that this year, the ghosts who walk the corridors of the palace on Christmas Eve will be as surprised by the living as the living are by them.

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New!

Secrets and Skies

Jack Ward, President of Innovia, owes his life twice over to the enigmatic superhero, dubbed Power Blaster by the press. No-one knows who Power Blaster is or where he comes from - and he wants it to stay that way.

Scientist Desi Troyes has developed a nuclear bomb to counter the ever present threat of an asteroid hitting the planet. When Ward signs the order giving the go ahead for a nuclear test on the remote Bird Island, he has no inkling of Troyes' real agenda, and that he has signed the death warrants of millions of people.

Although the island should have been evacuated, there are people still there: some from the distant continent of Classica; protesters opposed to the bomb test; and Innovians who will not, or cannot, use their communication devices.

Power Blaster knows he must stop the bomb from hitting the island. He also knows it may be the last thing he ever does.

Meanwhile in Innovia, Ward and his staff gather to watch the broadcast of the test. Nobody, not even Troyes himself, has any idea what is about to happen.

Part One of The Raiders Trilogy.

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